Category Archives: Humor and Nonsense

Fantasy Football is Over (and Everybody Hurts)

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If you’re anything like me, over the last two days, you’ve sat around wondering what hell you were going to do with yourself without the weekly tasks of running a fantasy football team occupying your time.  I’ve sat at work and instinctively opened both of my league pages, footballguys.com, fantasypros, and the NFL schedule a couple of times each yesterday and today.

In other words, outside of it being holiday time, it’s pretty depressing this time of year.  With a full winter of “what-if’s” and “why not’s” to drive us crazy before a spring and summer of NFL Draft and 2013 fantasy prep, I decided that I should sum up my feelings with a song.  Hopefully it’s a distraction (albeit a short one) from one of the dullest sports weeks of the year. Please enjoy.

“Fantasy Football” – The All-Time Movie and TV Team: Offense

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I created a new category on the blog called “Offseason Fun” for items I feel like discussing between April and August.  A sub-category under it is called “Humor and Nonsense.”  I am only trying to be funny so that part may not hold, but it’s definitely nonsense.

I was inspired for this idea by Dave Dameshek and Adam Rank‘s podcast – The Dave Dameshek Football Program – and Rank’s subsequent column highlighting the best movie QBs of all time.

The offense will list far more players than the defense because there are simply more options.  I’ll list backups at certain positions and also multiple wide receivers and running backs to allow for various formations.

Quarterbacks
Willie Beamen – Miami Sharks, “Any Given Sunday” – A third-stringer after his days at the University of Houston, where he was relegated to playing defensive back because his allegedly racist coach said “he had quick feet,” Beamen’s ascendance is unparalleled. When Miami’s top two QBs went down, Beamen was reading the newspaper and didn’t know where his helmet was. Shortly thereafter, he was popular enough to make this video.

Continue reading the All-Time Movie and TV Offense

“Fantasy Football” – The All-Time Movie and TV Team: Defense

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I created a new category on the blog called “Offseason Fun” for items I feel like discussing between April and August.  A sub-category under it is called “Humor and Nonsense.”  I am only trying to be funny so that part may not hold, but it’s definitely nonsense.

I was inspired for this idea by Dave Dameshek and Adam Rank‘s podcast – The Dave Dameshek Football Program – and Rank’s subsequent column highlighting the best movie QBs of all time.

My defensive scheme will be a 3-4 unit – partly a tribute to the current formation of the greatest defensive franchise of all-time, and partly because it was easier to find linebackers than linemen.

Defensive Line
Gerry Bertier – T.C. Williams Titans, “Remember the Titans – Moved up from linebacker because of his solid all-around play and team-first nature, I see Bertier as the Aaron Smith of this defense.  He’ll be a key part that doesn’t get enough credit.

Switowski – The Mean Machine, “The Longest Yard” (remake) – Played by massive human being Bob Sapp as a defensive tackle, this guy famously, as he put it, “made him shit himself” with his insanely illegal clothesline tackle. At 6’7″, though, he might be better built for a 4-3 tackle than a 3-4 nose.

Continue reading the All-Time Movie and TV Defense