I debuted the “Found on Twitter” series earlier today, but this Manti Te’o story provided so much instant gold that I had to throw together an emergency version. With the Golden Globes just behind us and the Oscars coming up, let’s sprinkle in an award show theme here and there.
To preview, this is really the essence of this whole post and why Twitter is so great.
5 yrs ago I would've been telling jokes to my then GF/current wife re: Te'o and she wouldnt get them or just tell me to shut up. #ThxTwitter
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(@RyFo18) January 17, 2013The Holy Crap That’s Weird That Te’o Himself Would Tweet That a While Back Award
Let’s start with Manti himself. No way these tweets were about this, right?
Playin mind games #smh
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Manti Te'o (@MTeo_5) December 09, 2011I may be stubborn but I'm not stupid
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Manti Te'o (@MTeo_5) December 07, 2011Real eyes, realize, real lies!
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Manti Te'o (@MTeo_5) July 27, 2012And the winner is: the third one – all right on point (except the “real eyes” of course).
The Forced But Still Somewhat Funny Award
Sooo.... Instead of getting an STD from a girl I guess Manti Te'o gets computer virus's.
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bill mooneyhan (@billmooneyhan) January 17, 2013More bad news for Notre Dame, The Gipper didn't really die. Rockne was hoaxed
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Fake George Oleary (@notGeorgeOleary) January 17, 2013Manti Teo made the classic guy mistake: he tried to turn a (fake) hoe into a (fake) housewife.
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Tucker Max (@TuckerMax) January 17, 2013And the winner is: @billmooneyhan – it yielded a small chuckle from me.
The I Actually LOL’ed a Little Bit Award
In lieu of flowers, the Kekua family asks that you provide banking details so that we may transfer the sum of USD $14 million. URGENT
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Andy Behrens (@andybehrens) January 17, 2013pretty sure i could admit to robbing a bank while wearing a clown suit and shouting bible quotes and no one would notice. #MantiEVERYTHING
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BNQ (@The_Street_FA) January 17, 2013Manti Te'o kept trying to talk to his girlfriend on GChat, but she was always invisible.
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Will Brinson (@willbrinson) January 17, 2013Chip Kelly left Oregon today. That was five thousand years ago.
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(@edsbs) January 17, 2013NFL scout on Manti Catfish: "Won't hurt draft stock. We draft guys that rob banks." So, there's that.
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mike freeman (@realfreemancbs) January 17, 2013And the winner is: @willbrinson – short, sweet, and really damn funny. Honorable mention to @andybehrens for referencing an internet scam. More on that later.
The Jadeveon Clowney Wins Twitter (again) Award
Manti teo should have just gone the tebow route and admitted he was a virgin.
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Jadeveon Clowny (@JadeveonClowny) January 16, 2013If you having girl problems I feel bad for you son Manti Teo has 99 problems but a girl ain't one.
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Jadeveon Clowny (@JadeveonClowny) January 17, 2013Manti teo probably wont get that eharmony endorsement now
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Jadeveon Clowny (@JadeveonClowny) January 16, 2013You wanna know what's weirder than Manti Teo making up a girlfriend then pretend killing her? Nothing.
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Jadeveon Clowny (@JadeveonClowny) January 16, 2013Manti Teos girl http://t.co/skhjtGM4
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Jadeveon Clowny (@JadeveonClowny) January 16, 2013And the winner is: I purposely crafted this section to get progressively funnier. I’m a visual learner, so the visual comedy of a blank white picture is hilarious to me. Bravo, Jadeveon. If the whole “freak-show athlete, NFL superstar” thing doesn’t work out, you may have a future in comedy.
The “Too Far?” Award
When my GF nags me about laundry or dishes. In my head I'm thinking. Why can't you be more like Manti Te'o girlfriend.
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BNQ (@The_Street_FA) January 16, 2013Kinda creepy to have an imaginary dead girlfriend. Anyway, I’m off to dinner with my wife, Brittany Murphy.
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rob delaney (@robdelaney) January 17, 2013I’m not one to hold back either…
The weirdest thing about Teo's fake dead girlfriend is that Johnny Football did shots with her after the Cotton Bowl.
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FootballandBrackets (@footballbrackts) January 17, 2013And the winner is: @The_Street_FA – because, let’s be honest, we’ve all thought something similar. This was so funny, I didn’t even have to drop out of this race because I’m the committee.
The Best Use of the Te’o Hoax in a Sports Context Award
NC State playing like a bunch of Manti Te'o girlfriends tonight.
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Will Brinson (@willbrinson) January 17, 2013I think Manti Te'o's Girlfriend is a better option at QB then Mark Sanchez for the Jets.
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Pat Faith (@patfaith) January 16, 2013If Notre Dame has known about this for some time, they're currently handling the situation as well as they handled the natl title gameplan
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Todd Fuhrman (@ToddFuhrman) January 17, 2013Manti Te'o's girlfriend is why college football needs a playoff system
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Ray Ratto (@RattoCSN) January 17, 2013Manti Te'O's girl exists in the same world as Joe Flacco's eliteness, Tim Tebow's sex life, and the Seahawks' Superbowl rings.
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Not Aaron Hernandez (@CockyHernando) January 16, 2013Manti T'eo's girlfriend and the Notre Dame defense - 2 things that suddenly didn't exist as of January 2013. #T'eo
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The Sklar Brothers (@SklarBrothers) January 16, 2013And the winner is: @SklarBrothers – accurate, succinct, nice. Plus, Will Brinson already won a category above.
The Best Use of the Old Nigerian Prince Scam as a Punchline Award
Dear Sir Te'o,, I hope Tweet finds u well. I am Nigerian prince, want to give trillion $$ to u. Send ur bank acct #. Ur welcome. [gets rich]
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Roy Hobbson (@royhobbson) January 16, 2013Te'o makes me feel much better about my long-term internet financial arrangement with that Nigerian prince. Although he is needy.
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Jim Souhan (@SouhanStrib) January 16, 2013I'm not worried about Te'o. He's got all that Nigerian prince money to fall back on.
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Sam Youngman (@samyoungman) January 16, 2013HELLO JACK SWABRICK I AM BENDAWSON, A NIGERIAN PRINCE. I WOULD LIKE YOUR HELP BRINGING $40000000.00 USD TO AMERICA FROM MY COUNTRY.
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Ben Dawson (@BenjaminJDawson) January 17, 2013And the winner is: @SouhanStrib – because of the casual tone and the lack of temptation to fully mimic the scam itself; it was also the first one I read.
For more funnies, check out this link. Seth Meyers, Dan Wetzel, and Jay Bilas are the funniest in my opinion. Plus, there’s a picture of Brooklyn Decker within!
